“Don’t care what anyone thinks about you!” Have you heard advice like that? I have, and I think it is an absurd notion. After all, we are social beings. We are wired to care what others think of us. However, “Care only about what others think about you!” is an equally absurd notion. So,…
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When was the last time you compared yourself to someone else? If you’re like most of us, the answer is probably “a few minutes ago.” Social media is a huge part of our lives right now, and because of this we’re more likely than ever to compare ourselves to others. Our Instagram and Facebook…
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Here’s a phrase I hear frequently: “I can’t afford that.” How often do you say or think this? When I dig a little deeper, I often find that “I can’t afford that” is code for “That’s not a priority.” “I can’t afford that” often isn’t even true. But we believe it because we haven’t…
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When you get into an argument or conflict, do you try to win? Do you think that you are right, and the other person is wrong, and if only you could convince them of that, all would be well? I call this the win-lose mentality, where we want to win and the other person…
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Communication is so much more than what we say. In fact, most of our communication is nonverbal. When interacting with others, we respond to tone, body language, facial expressions, and volume far more than the actual words that are being said. On the other side, our own body language and expressions say far more about what…
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Triggers are a hot topic these days. Maybe you have become aware you experience unpleasant emotions when you’re exposed to certain behaviors, topics, or words. You might notice you get agitated and reactive and tend to blame the other person for this. “You triggered me!” You then might get controlling and want the other…
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Communication might be the single most important skill we can develop to improve our relationships. However, most of us struggle to communicate in a way that helps us be understood by others. This happens for any number of reasons. It helps if we know why we’re communicating. Are we talking without any point or…
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I’ve been a therapist for over 30 years, and there’s one topic I hear about far more than any other: Relationships! It reminds me of that part in Eat, Pray, Love when Elizabeth Gilbert had a friend who worked in a refugee camp, and all that friend wanted to talk about was relationships. Not the horrors…
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A lot of us don’t acknowledge that we have a relationship with self. I think of this as the invisible relationship, because who’s relating to who? We tend to have the cruelest relationship with ourselves. We often say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to anyone else. “Why did I say that?!” “I’m…
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Many of us want to be more spiritual, but we might not know where to start on our spiritual journey. I find it helps to start with the basics. I like to teach my students about the basic spiritual principles from which all spiritual practices stem. It’s just like learning any other subject. You don’t…
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